It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
