new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
