the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
