She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
