Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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