My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
