Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
