What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
