I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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