I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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