i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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