well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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