Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Who died my cat blue again?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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