i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
