Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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