If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
