i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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