U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize