worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
