You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
