He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wear drunk well.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
