I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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