**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
