I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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