he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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