Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
