I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
