I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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