The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
