It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
