does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
