Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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