Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
