Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
