You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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