I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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