I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
