when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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