just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
