the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
