I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
