Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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