You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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