So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
