Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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