I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize