wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is Oprah even human
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