I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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