for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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