I'm passing your future prison.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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