i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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