I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
