Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
