I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's a Shit stain on my heart
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
