I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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