Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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