she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
