apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize