when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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