I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
whose ass print is on the piano?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize