Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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