i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
