one two three fourrrrnication!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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