Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
