You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
