Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
