I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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