awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
