Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
