recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
