I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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