If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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