take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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