mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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