after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
