Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
