And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
