i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
