We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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