Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
