Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
