Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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