i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
