ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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