Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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