she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
