I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
