mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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