i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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