Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
