I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
