So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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