Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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