What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
